Saturday, April 23

it's official

once i graduate high school and move onto college, i will be leaving the blogosphere community.

my blogs, journals, accounts, etc. will all be deleted or at least hidden/retired. and i have a lot laying around....

goodbye angsty teen jennifer.

on the flip side, i will be purchasing this sweatshirt #1, this sweatshirt #2, this pennant, and this mug.
just a note.


Monday, March 28

past time's pastimes

Receipts - who keeps them?

Unfortunately for my room, I'm a minor hoarder; I keep everything I get just in case that one day I need it. I've been trying to combat this by, er, throwing it away (surprise, surprise). I finally had the guts to take out useless crap in my wallet. (Finally!) And, uh, it was a nice sight.

Above you can see all of my receipts I've kept since freshman year or earlier - I'm not sure. Though the stack probably looks a bit on the skimpy side (I rarely shop for myself), the money spent reported on the receipts calculates to be just a little shy of $400. For 4 years (excluding certain shopping trips and innumerable movie tickets funded by my sister(s)), that's a pretty healthy amount - maybe even less than normal (this stack includes AP test purchases, yearbook, dance tickets, etc.).

When you clean up your room, garage, basement, or what have you, do you ever get distracted by reminiscing, trying to remember where the object came from, getting nostalgic, etc.? That's why it takes me hours to clean up my room.... Similarly, it took me a while just to even look at these receipts. It's amazing what memories are packed with these little motherf'ing pieces of papers. It's amazing how much has happened. It's amazing how I spent so much time with others--shopping, eating out, etc.--in the past, but now we don't even acknowledge each other in the school hallways. It's amazing how much I changed.

Regrettably and gratefully, I changed a lot. Everyday I feel like I'm evolving into this Super Saiyan version, maybe even like the Nega Scott from "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" (sorry fanatics, I mean the movie), of myself. I'm not sure if it's a bad or a good Jennifer, but I know it's a realer me. Granted I lost many friends along the way, this journey has been very humbling. I am much more honest nowadays, and I'm also not that bitchy "I'VE BEEN HOLDING THIS IN FOR SO LONG" Jennifer. I don't really know. I hope it's that banal, inevitable stage in life I've heard so much about: "growing up".

Thank you everyone for the memories, even if we no longer speak. You really paid a part in my past. My present would be so much more different without you, and my future is continuously shaping itself according to the relative past.

Now, onto the more morose thoughts... (what do you expect from teenage angst?)
Not that I necessarily miss the people (everyone changes), but I definitely miss the memories with them. For example, there's a receipt from Journeys for colored striped tube socks. Ah, yes, my summer with my ASB. Can you believe it's been over a year since? It's so hard to believe: it feels like yesterday yet many years ago. We won 1st place for our skit in the county, how incredible. And, I can't believe I actually organized Red Ribbon Week, Pennies for Patients, the canned food drive, etc. (You will only truly understand if you're a part of ASB) IT WAS HARD WORK LOL. But, I learned so much from the experience! And I was so lucky to be a part of--at the time, seemed miserable--such an awesome activity.

I bought some stuff at Victoria's Secret because there was a sale. Right when I saw that receipt, I instantly remembered: I was with Catherine in the summer of 2009. We shopped way too much then. And it just makes me so nostalgic. We've known each other for our 99.999% of our lives (I'm older by 2 weeks), but we actually became friends around 4th grade. We actually became close right before 10th grade, because we had Confirmation and AP European History together. Then, we seriously talked a little too much to each other. But we've gone through thick and thin, and I think I've been in this relationship long enough to say that Catherine has been a huge part of my life. Can you imagine all of that, 17 years worth of memories, rushing back into my head because of some damn receipt?

And though it's not a receipt, my movie ticket stub from a movie this year brings me back. I know, it was only 2010. I watched "Easy A" with Justina and someone else. After the movie, we went to check out CDs and DVDs. At the time, I was really embarrassed because I said things that sounded pretentious and annoying (and the person did the same!). In hindsight, I think it's HILARIOUS. I can't believe I freaked out over Elliott Smith and The Shins. LOL. It's so hard to explain; it's really a thing Justina and I can only talk about....
About 90% of my movie ticket stubs were obtained with Justina. We have gone through so much. She knows so much about me... and each movie we've watched together has been a great experience. Whenever I look at these stubs (once in a blue moon, but it happens), I just am flabbergasted at our relationship. In the 5th grade, I got mad at her because the only secret she would tell me was her fake birthday date. In the 7th grade, she was mad at me, and I apologized by writing her a note. In the 12th grade, we played "WoW" together. Basically,

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. I can't even type it up in its entirety because it's too personal and lengthy. And I guess I can really sit down and think about it, even type about it, when I'm looking at an artifact from my past.

Still, time is quickly passing by - too quickly. Our time is really coming to an end... just 2 months left of school. I don't have enough time to even spend with my friends I'm most likely never going to see for a very long time, if ever. Before we know it, it's over. They don't know how much they mean to me. What if I all have left of my friends are these lifeless receipts?

Saturday, March 26

i don't know where to go...........................

but i guess i should be happy i even am wondering

Monday, March 14


i am now making a vow to myself to not check any college-related forums or sites UNLESS i received an official e-mail about decisions. i'm wasting my time being so antsy ugh

Saturday, March 12

i don't need these colleges, these scholarships, these awards, a home, food, money, anything, everything
i would trade it all just to have you back
the greatest regret in the seventeen years of my stupid fucking life is not spending it with you when i had the chance

when people tell me they don't know what it's like being a "regular" teenager
i just want to scream

Monday, February 21

in hindsight

oh, yeah, so my poem won 1st place.... i was really happy and even posted on facebook about it. i was so ecstatic because i was thoroughly shocked. poetry is so so so so subjective, and i have my not-even-close-to-perfect scores on poetry annotations to boot. really, a huge part of me is really humiliated. about 99999999% of my poem is autobiographical, though lots of sugar coating. knowing that the whole school population will have access to read into my elementary mind is overwhelming and embarrassing. i know a great number of "cool kids", albeit annoying, will have further proof i'm weird. LOL.

since there's nothing i can do now, i just hope other "regulars" can relate.

also, i hope people or entrants-who-didn't-win aren't wondering why i won. when mrs. cardoza told me, i thought it was my other poem that won. but no, it was this one... the piece (i sound f***ing pretentious even saying that. "piece" LOL) was incredibly unfinished but i decided "WHY THE F*** NOT?" to enter it. i think my poem ("In Hindsight") sounds like i tried too hard. eh, the speaker was the ninth grade jennifer anyway...

//uggggh the more i read it, the more i think it sucks. no, i don't need the compliments. i'm just so befuddled on how this even won...

by the by, i repeat the lips part because i was sometimes teased about my chap,nasty,cracked,coldsorey lips as a kid. in hindsight, my lips were disgusting. now i have a slight obsession with chapstick and vaseline. eek.

i was actually typing up a blog just to talk about college stuff. i regret not applying to more schools. yes i applied to a lot of them. but none were my "dream schools" and i regret not even trying. oh well... i have 4 years...

Sunday, February 6

oh mr. yoshida part ii

thank you for finding my homework. i'm very pleased i aced the final and got a b in the class. an f to a b is a mighty fine improvement, so i'm fine not acing the class.

Tuesday, January 25

oh mr. yoshida

mr. yoshida, what pain you are causing me..........

currently, my grade stands at a 75.19%, without the two homework assignments you cannot find. if they were put in, i would have a 77.69%.

i would have an 80.17% if i just get an 80% for the next tests. and i know i won't do that badly... but only if you find my homework.

if you don't... i would only get a 77.64% at the end of this semester.

why mr. yoshida... whyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you said, "what's the point of me finding it, spending lots of time and looking everywhere when you might have actually just never turned it in?"
i wish i didn't come in right before 4th period (though i have pre-cal for 1st period). i wish i didn't come late so i could turn it in during 1st. and at this point, i wish i didn't even turn it in.

because, i have never missed a stamp since the time i went in for tutoring. that means i've done all my work, with a stamp for proof. if i never turned it in, at least i can turn it in now for 95% of the credit (you didn't stamp an assignment, i believe, and i needed to turn it in the day it's due for full credit. but as long as there's a stamp, i'd get full credit). but no. because i turned it in, i can't find it. i still gave you the benefit of the doubt by looking in my locker, room, backpack, binder, textbook, etc.
not there.

i wish you were right, so my grade would rise ~1.7% instead of the 2%, just for partial credit.
but since i did turn it in (i even remember what i was doing when i gave it to you, who said hi to me in your room, my feelings at the time...), i won't get any partial credit.

i'm just hoping you'll let me make it up, but i know you won't because then you'll assume that i didn't do it the whole time.

please, please, please, i hope my homework magically shows up on your desk.

Friday, January 21

it's my choice to make the best out of a bad day

Wednesday, January 19

i am so boring

Sunday, January 9

some days i feel like everything sucks
but not in a sad way
a really pissed off way.
everything-makes-me-angry days.
i wish i didn't have any family

i just want to be alone

some days

Monday, January 3

there's still time for some new year's resolutions.
i hate doing these because they are rarely successful.
i end up writing down 129038123+ resolutions.

  1. stop procrastinating
  2. stop cursing
  3. stop getting seconds
  4. stop playing the computer for more than one hour a day
  5. stop lurking
  6. stop being so angry and stubborn. let it go. breathe. make more friends.
  7. stick with commitments
  8. no. more. flaking.
  9. be more clean

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